Lights and action

Last night we made the trip to go see the Christmas lights at the temple.  The drive was an hour long because of traffic and only one missed turn. Gavin fell asleep not long after we left, but Conlan fought sleep the whole way there. He loves car rides.  We thought that he would fall asleep, especially after eating his cheeseburger.  But he didn’t eat much of the cheeseburger. A few months ago, he finally started eating cheeseburgers; until then it was usually only chicken nuggets that he would eat from the fast food joints. He was definitely hungry – I hope he’s not feeling depressed.  Anyway, back to the drive. Conlan has always loved car rides. Not the car ride itself necessarily, but sitting in his car seat. We noticed this a while ago, and have often put him in his car seat (either still in the car or in the living room) to calm him down.  It has prevented or disrupted many a meltdown.  He’s kind-of like our Pookie that liked enclosed, tight spaces.  Conlan often hides behind us on the couch or under a pillow.  He likes when I lay on him – I’m careful not to put my whole weight on him, though.

Anyway, we made it to the temple grounds. Elders were directing the traffic to available parking spots. We put the kids in the double stroller and were on our way.  We walked around, took some pictures. Most of the time, Conlan was on my shoulders making it difficult to get a picture that wasn’t blurry.  He jabbered quite a bit while we were there. We try to make it a point every Christmas season to let him see a lot of Christmas lights. They seem to mesmerize him, just as lights outside the car when we are driving in the dark. After a while, he decided to take off his hoodie.  We had brought him a coat, but he wouldn’t keep that on and we had to settle for the hoodie. We had seen everything and had been there about a half hour, so we decided it was time to go, since he wouldn’t keep his jacket on.

Back in their seats, we headed home.  This time Conlan fell asleep and it took only about 40 minutes to drive the 25-ish miles home.  Once home, Conlan woke up but climbed in bed and fell asleep. He went to bed without melatonin!  I hope he had a good night’s rest.

 

 

So anyway, that was the ‘lights’ portion of the post.  The action part involves his latest behavior. He doesn’t like wearing clothes. Definitely not at Church.  We’ve tried getting him clothes that don’t bother or irritate him. That has helped, but it’s so difficult to find clothes warm enough that he’ll wear, and with a decent price tag. Every time he does strip, I take a step back and consider whether or not I am reinforcing the behavior. It’s been helpful to get out of myself and my emotions whenever he acts out.

We are very grateful for all the progress he has recently shown.  He has really started helping Hilary in many ways. A while ago, I posted how he was helping me with pancakes. He continues to help with pancakes, whether Hilary is ready for the extra batter on the pan or not. He’s also been real good for us when he needs a diaper change. Sometimes he does take off the diaper himself.  That is sometimes a good thing, except when it’s a messy one and he smears the waste on the wall, blankets, clothes, bed, etc. He has been doing real well and learning a lot. Much of his progress, we contribute to full-day attendance at school.  His teacher and aides are great and very patient.

ABA Workshop

We signed up for an ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) Workshop for parents.  Hilary didn't feel like going, so I gladly went.  The local school district hosted and presented it. The teacher was one of the district's specialists that works with the students in the district. When I got to the address, I went inside the building and followed everyone else and sat down.  The presentation started and I quickly deduced I was in the wrong room - I didn't need to know about superintendents and stuff about the district board!  So I left, and followed another group of people, this group was also in the wrong room looking for the ABA workshop.  Before leaving, though, I was sure to grab some cocoa and cookies!  We went up a couple floors and found the right room. The instructors introduced themselves and started talking about meltdowns and ABA. Wahoo! I was in the right place, and I had my cookies too. :)

facial hair and school

In honor of Movember, I've been growing out my facial hair. Conlan has absolutely loved it. He likes to run his hands, arms, and face along my beard. He just laughs and giggles and squeals. He is definitely very tactile. So if I start to look like a bum, know it's for a couple good causes.

Yesterday, in Conlan's daily report we got a notice that his day was a very tough one. Not only did he bite some of the aides, but he also pulled the fire alarm. I've always wondered what would happen if I pulled the alarm. I can only imagine what must have been going through his mind. Here's for hoping that tomorrow will be better!

Doorbells

From downstairs, we were having trouble hearing the doorbell. So at Lowe's we purchased a doorbell extender. It cost almost $30, a lot more than what I remember my parents paying for such a device a few years ago (okay, it was about 15 years ago, so with inflation...). Anyway, I installed it yesterday and almost immediately knew I'd have to adjust the sensitivity or maybe turn it off altogether. After setting it up and testing it, I went back downstairs on my merry way. Then Conlan, playing on the main floor got excited about his show. When he's either silly tired or super excited, he likes to scream. You guessed it, his screaming set off the doorbell downstairs. I wonder if Hilary's tired of it yet or not.

Parent teacher conference

Conlan had fall break this week. With the hurricane last week and fall break this week, that's two weeks in a row that he hasn't had school on Monday and Tuesday. As part of fall break, his school held parent teach conferences on Monday, and we met with his teacher that morning. I was amazed at how quickly his teacher and the aides have gotten to know Conlan. They know he likes to play with the water. They know he likes hugs and is touchy, very affectionate.  He doesn't like wearing shoes or socks.  He's a picky eater.  He's sneaky: when he thinks you're not watching he'll make his escape or start playing with water.  He's very aware of when he can get away with things.  They put up a gate so he couldn't go out the door - he's a very fast runner (another characteristic inherited from his dad ;) ).  One time he went to leave, saw the gate after opening the door, and gave up even though he often climbs the gate.  He just didn't feel like expending the extra energy to scale up and over the gate.

Halloween, dog food, and pancakes

I realize those three items in the title don’t normally go together, but with Conlan who knows!

This last weekend I made pancakes for the family.  Conlan was famished and really wanted his pancakes.  So he tried to help dad with the pancakes to somehow speed up the process.  The first pancake was almost ready to flip over. He must have wanted a bigger pancake, for he grabbed the cup, filled it with batter and proceeded to pour it onto the the half-cooked pancake already in the pan.  Of course some of it dribbled onto the counter on its way to the pan.  I had turned around or been working on something else and didn’t catch him.  The first-pancake-of-the-batch-never-turns-out-right” rule definitely applied here.  He still ate it for leftovers the next day though.  On my guard and ready this time, I helped him pour the next pancake. For this, my ears received screams of glee.  He loves pouring just about anything, not just water, and pancake batter is no exception.  He got real good at it and didn’t need much help by the time the batter ran out, though I did catch him a few times trying to add extra batter to pancakes that were still cooking.  Sure it was a little messier letting him pour the batter, but the pancakes still tasted the same and cleanup didn’t take that much longer.  Ever since he was about 1 year old, he has always loved eating pancakes, waffles, french toast and the like.  If you can put syrup on it, he’ll eat it (or just plain syrup too).

Cookies and dogs

This past weekend we decided to get out of the house. The dogs were needing some attention so we loaded both kids and both dogs into the minivan and headed to the nearest dog park. There were lots of dogs there and the area seemed small. That didn't stop us from having fun though. When Conlan is really excited and having fun, he "squeals". We heard him squeal a few times at the dog park. I love to hear him even if it does hurt my ears a little. It was a tie between the dogs and the kids for who behaved better. I was a little concerned that our intact male would pose a problem, but he didn't and had lots of fun. After nearly an hour, our female corgi started limping, and we were all ready to go so we packed up and went home. Sorry, I didn't take any pictures, maybe next time.

Touch

Hilary found yet another great show on Netflix. I really like how with Netflix, you can find shows that are real good but never really made it big for some reason or another. Anyway, Touch is about a nonverbal boy and his father. The kid sees the universe in numbers. The was one scene that I really appreciated. The last scene of the second episode, the dad is talking to the son. They had a long adventurous day and they are getting ready for bed. The dad is telling his son what he thought it meant to be a father. When he first became a father he wanted to teach his son so much, and not just how to play ball. But as his son grew older, they realized he was autistic and the dad had to grapple with how and what he could teach his son. As he was talking to his son, who was all tucked in bed, he realized that maybe he was the one that needed to learn, that his son was the teacher. So I likened it unto myself. There is so much I have already learned as Conlan's father. There is yet so much I can learn from him. Courage for one. Could you imagine getting up every day, knowing that even your parents don't know what you want? Not being to tell anyone what you want to eat, that you have to use the restroom, that you're sad or happy, that you want to play outside and just run around. That sounds depressing to me, and yet he does it every day. Every day he wakes up and gets excited about school or having pancakes for breakfast.  He gets excited when Grover learns how to jump over three moon. He gets exited to be outside. Being happy and satisfied with life is another thing I could learn from him. He gets so excited about the simplest of things. A ride in the car is a special treat. Yes, I have a lot to learn.

Like a weed

Yesterday, Hilary got up and fed the kids breakfast. A couple hours later, I fixed some turkey bacon, french toast and eggs to eat.  Conlan ended up eating about 4 full pieces of bacon, 3 or 4 slices of french toast and whatever else he could find including some graham crackers and pop tarts.  I did manage to save some for myself but felt guilty for hiding it from him; I had to scarf it down before he saw it.  I don't know what he had for breakfast round 1, but he definitely was hungry just a couple hours later.  He's surely going through another growth spurt.  He has been sleeping more than usual - actually through most nights!  I can't believe how tall he is getting.  It's a lot bigger of a chore carrying him up two flights of stairs to his bed at night.  What's it going to be like during his teenage years?!  We'd better start saving up for the grocery bill now. :)

Interactions, teaching

For a couple weeks I have been pondering how to truly interact with Conlan. A lot of the time, Gavin will be demanding my whole attention while Conlan does his thing across the room. At night, Gavin brings me a book to read, and I try to involve Conlan. That lasts for about 20 seconds before he goes to do something else. Gavin just soaks up knowledge. It is so easy to teach him new words and how to do stuff. He is always wanting to help dad fix stuff or mom with household chores. Conlan though, is more like me. Throughout college, I had this attitude that I could learn anything, and on my own.  Why would I ask someone if I could read it in a book or google it on the Internet? I didn't want someone telling me but to discover and learn it for and by myself. I think Conlan is similar. He steps back and observes. He stays at the perimeter just watching and listening.  On car rides he stares out the window with a look of deep concentration. I wonder what goes on in that mind of his. Sometimes he'll surprise us with something new he has learned. We never saw him practice it and all of a sudden, he is doing it. It is like he plays it out in his mind over and over again until he is certain that he can do it without flaw.
So, anyway, I've been trying to get on his level and do more with him than just the standard tickle and "zerber" wars. Since he loves pouring water, I had him help me wash the dishes using hand over hand. That seemed to work for a little while until he wanted to pour the water out of the sink.
Lately, he has been taking off all of his clothes. We worry about him getting sick, especially since we recently moved from Arizona to a cooler climate. He won't even keep on his jacket outside. Maybe I should take off all my clothes too in order to get on his level...

Peaceful

Once again, asleep in the car seat. He got up pretty early and after a short walk and a car ride, he was out. I love watching him sleep; he looks so peaceful. He has been growing a lot lately, sleeping and eating a lot.

Dog house

A few days ago, I was in the backyard with the kids after a walk around the neighborhood.  First Conlan got into the dog house, and then Gavin trying to be like his big brother, joined him.  Dewi, our male corgi, joined in on the fun too.  I wish I had taken a picture of all three in there!  Conlan seems to like tight enclosed spaces almost as much as our late Pookie, Romney aka the short-legged sled dog.

Phases

For a few days now, I've been wondering what to write for the next post. After much thought, I'd like to write about various things that Conlan does or used to do; phases that he has gone through.  Here are some that I could think of, not in any particular order.

• shirt sucking (he has ruined a few shirts cause he sucks on them so much)
• fecal smearing
• squeezing Gavin's neck
• having us talk in his ear (This worried us a lot and so we had his hearing checked.  His hearing is fine, but I still wonder why he was having us talk into his ear.)
• spitting his drink out
• screaming, sometimes just to irritate us. :)

Most of these he still occasionally does.  Thankfully, he hasn't engaged in fecal smearing for quite a while.  There are others.  I just can't think of them right now.

I've been trying to think of things he likes to do to use as rewards for doing something well.  So here are some things that he just likes to do.  

• have us kiss his arms
• feel my whiskers
• run
• JUMP (there's a Sesame Street episode where Grover learns how to jump, from the cow that jumped over the moon - it's one of his favorite shows).
• he loves car rides.  Recently, I remembered how when I was frustrated or angry, I would go on a car ride, and that would calm me.  He is so much like me in so many aspects.  He loves looking out the window and watching. For a while, we brought his car seat into the house and used it to calm him when he had a meltdown.
• riding the bus
• play with water.  He especially likes pouring water (or wine as was the case at a work party last week) back and forth.
• He is very oral and likes chewing on chewy stuff. We got a pack of squishy lizards at the zoo for him.  We got chewelry for him, but he didn't like it.

Once we stayed at a hotel and asked for a first-floor room just so that he wouldn't disturb (jumping and screaming) anybody below us.  They didn't have any rooms available on the first floor at the rate we paid, so we asked to be put away from anybody else, and they said they would.  They still put somebody below us.  Lo and behold, the neighbors from below complained, and they had us move to another room.  The new room was bigger and much nicer, so there were no complaints from us.

And some other things we deal with on a daily basis.

• uncontrollable laughing or crying (sometimes he'll wake up in the middle of the night and just laugh and laugh and laugh for no apparent reason - which is better than when he wakes up boo-hooing or screaming).
• he's a very picky eater.  He'll eat just the sausage, and often the cheese too, from a pizza.
• instead of telling us what he wants, he'll grab our hand and lead us to the kitchen if he's hungry or thirsty.  Or he'll push us to the destination.

There is so much I'm sure I have missed.  I'll add to the lists as my mind recollects and/or observes new items.

Water and balloons

We think and hope we have the water issues under control.  In an earlier post I talked about how Conlan loves to pour water back and forth.  That's just fine except when it ends up on the floor, in the garbage can, in the diaper genie, or anywhere else aside from the sink. We put the garbage can in the front closet, out of the kitchen.  So what does he do?  He tries filling the diaper genie with water. So we move the diaper genie.What's next? We'll just try to keep an eye on him, keep him out of the kitchen  when we're not there with him.  At the work party yesterday, he tried pouring my water into a soda can.  I don't think the boss appreciated Conlan pouring water onto his nice coffee table.  Conlan also had fun grabbing people's wine glasses and pouring their wine into cups.  Thankfully, he didn't spill any of the wine.

Another obsession of Conlan's is balloons.  Give him a balloon, and he'll have you fill it up over and over and over again.   If it weren't for my super-strong lungs, I'm sure I would've passed out ages ago. He has been trying to blow the balloons up by himself.  He loves to feel the balloon grow as I fill it up. And of course, he won't let me tie it because he loves to either watch it fly around or hold it and feel the air as it comes out.  When we took him to get diagnosed, the doctor used a balloon as part of the assessment.  Before then, I don't think he had ever played with balloons.  I remember how Conlan liked that part of the appointment the most and pestered the doctor for the balloon when he put it away or hid it.

The magical fruit

We got out the beans and let the kids go to town. They had lots of fun, and for the most part, the beans stayed in the tub. Yeah right...

School

Well it was Conlan's first week of Kindergarten. Dropping him off and picking him up has been very frustrating for Hilary. It is such a big school, there isn't any economical way to get all the students to and from school. It will be so nice when his bus starts picking him up.

Today (Monday 10 Sep), the bus picked him up.  He and Gavin were so excited to see the bus.  Conlan had the biggest grin on his face when he got home, and of course, he had taken off his shoes on the bus.

The start

The past few months I have been reading a few blogs created by parents of autistic children. Autism daddy has been inspiring. Autism with a side of fries is a newer one. Reading their and many other stories,I began to want a blog of my own, mainly for selfish reasons. They past few months I have been searching for some creative outlet. In junior high I played the baritone (similar to a tuba), and for years, I've wanted to get back into that. I'm afraid though what the neighbors will think and don't want to bother them.  And it will cost a few hundred bucks to just get started. So this blog will be my creative outlet. I also love attention - maybe complete strangers will start following, offering advice, and giving praise and encouragement. So yeah, I'm selfish but am doing this for our son too. And maybe, just maybe some other parent out there will identify with our experiences or learn from them. And maybe it will help reduce the stares and disapproval from strangers in public when an autistic child is having a meltdown or just acting differently than other children. Maybe he'll read it some day and be grateful I recorded so many embarrassing moments of his life for the whole world to see. ;)

Conlan just turned five. It has been two years since his diagnosis. What a rollercoaster it has been! A few friends had told us they thought he might be autistic before we finally took him to the specialist. Being first-time parents we thought he was normal,neurotypical. Expressing gratitude for their suggestion, we dismissed the idea that our beautiful son could be sick. Because the autism we knew about was what they show in movies. Our son was and is nothing like that. And  I hate to admit it, . . . but we probably had some denial going on. At 18 months to two years of age, Conlan had a decent vocabulary, about 20 words. But then over the next year, he stopped speaking altogether. No longer would he say "Elmo" or "yellow".  So yeah, there were signs, but we just didn't know what was normal. We didn't know what to look for and expect.

At the specialist's we learned that he exhibited so many more signs of autism than we expected or even knew to look for. We had thought his development was typical, normal, or just a little behind with nothing to worry about. We have learned so much since then. And the contrast between him and his younger brother is amazing, more amazing than what is typical between two siblings I suppose. We love them both and wouldn't change or return either of them.