Car Rides, Squirrel Chasing, and Soccer

I've mentioned a few times how Conlan really likes car rides. He still does. It's very calming for him. He likes watching out the window. He likes the lights, especially Christmas lights during Winter. He likes watching the cars, trees, buildings and signs go by. He has two car seats, one for his mom's van and one for my car. The one in my car is just a booster seat. We bought it a couple years ago when he grew out of his car seat. When we bought it, he wouldn't stay in it, taking his seat belt off or slipping out. So we bought a bigger car seat that his mom now has. That was the solution then, just to remove the option/ability for him to escape his seat belt. The first few times since reusing the booster seat, I let it get to me whenever he would either unbuckle or shimmy his way out of the seat belt and yelled at him to get back in his seat. Not only did I feel awful for "losing it", the results of said action were mixed. Sometimes he'd sit back down. Most times though, he'd just ignore me. For the sake of his safety, something had to change: either buy a new seat with a 3-point harness or change my own approach. With finances being tight and not wanting to waste a perfectly good booster seat, I decided on the second option. And besides, he has learned to unbuckle the upper strap on his car seat that goes across his chest. So a new car seat wouldn't have lasted very long anyway - it's only a matter of time until he learns how to undo the lower buckle. So to change my own approach, instead of yelling whenever he unbuckled or climbed out of the seat belt, I stopped the car. I pulled over every time, buckled him back in, and calmly explained to him why (for his safety, that I love him, etc.) he needed to stay in his seat with the seat belt on. I've even turned on the hazard lights a few times and sat blocking traffic while I buckled him up. Sure, a few people have honked, but that didn't bother me. After a few weeks of consistent and calm enforcing of the rules, he doesn't try to get out as much. Over the past week, he's kept his seat belt on the whole time. Most of the trips are short: between my place and his mom's or to my girlfriend's, both about a half hour. But it's progress! I wonder how he would do on a long trip... Also on car rides, he loves playing with the windows. Window locks are great. But if I leave the window up too high, he gets out of his seat. He likes feeling the wind as it flows over his hand. That was so fun as a kid, I can really relate! Sometimes I wish I knew what was going through Conlan's mind. When he sees a squirrel, he follows it. If the squirrels would let him, I bet that he'd do it all day! Does he want to catch one and play with it? Is it the chase that intrigues him? Is it watching the squirrel move about? How the squirrel efortlessly hops, fluidly moves his tail, or grips the trees and climbs with such ease? Who knows. I'm just glad Conlan enjoys it. Who would've thought that moving across country from a desert of lizards and night critters to a forest of squirrels and other critters would provide such a small but meaningful benefit! Last weekend, Conlan had a blast watching, interfering, chasing, etc. the neighbors as they played soccer. Even though Conlan can't form words in Spanish or English, language isn't a barrier. Odd. It was so nice and heart-warming when one guy (one of a couple young adults) set the ball down in front of Conlan and told him in broken English that he could kick the ball. They all paused as they stopped their game for him. Conlan just picked up the ball and gave it to him as if to say, "Kick it, I like watching you do it." A few times they tried. I watched both with amusement and a deep sense of true happiness and joy.

Textures and grazing

Conlan is very tactile. When we had a sandbox, his favorite thing to do in the sandbox was not to build castles, moats and tunnels but to run his hands through the sand and pour it down his back. In preschool, he spent most of his break time in the sand boxes, sometimes just pouring the sand between containers. [See previous post on water.] It doesn't end with sand. He likes lots of other textures. He loves to feel my facial hair, rubbing his arm and hands on my face across the rough stubble. If he sees a bald guy or someone with a buzzed haircut, he feels their head. He has no fear when approaching complete strangers, even gruff-looking ones much to my chagrin. Last week, I took the kids to chick-fil-a. We played in the kids area for a while. Conlan saw a big guy with not much hair, approached him, and rubbed his head. Thankfully, the gentleman laughed. That is almost always the case, Conlan gets them to chuckle or at least smile.

Winter Wonderland and Raisins

This past Friday, Conlan's school's PTA hosted a party, called Winter Wonderland. They had various crafts, a bunch of cookies, a tae kwondo demonstration and music for dancing. Other stuff too. He spent the whole two hours either on my shoulders or in my arms. Until he saw a candy cane anyway. He wasn't even very interested in the cookies. I really worry about him. Was he just not feeling well? A tummy ache? Was he sad and missed me? I thought it was hard for people to understand and get to know me through my wall of "introvertedness", but with him, it's even more difficult. He can't even talk (yet). I hope one day he can talk so that he is able to communicate his needs, wishes, wounds, dreams, etc.
Anyway, they had a door prize drawing. I can no longer say that I've never won anything. The first number called was mine! I won a Great Harvest gift basket. It had two loaves of bread, a loaf of pumpkin bread, a bread knife, and a bunch of huge, delicious, raisin cookies.
The next day I took the kids to Pump it Up, only to find out they didn't have open jump that day. Fifty miles wasted. Oh well. I had grabbed some snacks for the trip, and the cookies from the school activity were the favorite. Conlan, unlike most kids his (or any) age, ate the raisins instead of the cookie. He picked the raisins out of the cookie, not in order to have a raisin-free cookie but to eat them and discard the cookie. Crumbs and pieces of cookie were left all over his seat. Raisins and craisins are probably the only fruit we can get him to eat, so we're grateful he'll eat them. He also eats the chocolate chips out of cookies. To say the least, he sure makes life interesting, and I love him all the more for it.

Christmas

Christmas has always been different in our household, for many reasons and this year especially. We didn't even decorate a tree this year. My fondest memory of Conlan and Christmas was a couple years ago. The night before, Santa set everything out and went to bed just after midnight. Conlan, as has always been the case, woke up early in the morning with nowhere near the recommended amount of sleep for a child. I think it was about 4:30. He woke us up holding the set of puzzles we got him. You know those wood puzzles with animals or numbers or cars. He wanted us to open them immediately and wouldn't leave us alone until we did. He spent the whole day playing with his puzzles. I think that was the year we got him a little Thomas tunnel/fort thingy. He would sit in the fort with his puzzles.

Christmas this year was spent at Hilary's parents. It was a very stressful time for all of us, but we were grateful to be with family. We left Friday evening and drove through the night while the kids slept. Not far from home, the snow started flurrying. Then it turned into a blizzard. (Note to self: take the other route during the winter that is about 80 miles longer). It probably took only a half hour longer than the longer, less mountainous route would have taken. We arrived at about 7 AM and were exhausted but excited to be there. Being at her parents, I have always felt at home and will forever miss being there. Hilary had been able to get a short nap during the long haul, so I laid down and fell promptly asleep. It didn't last more than 10 minutes before something woke me up. No longer able to sleep, I helped as best I could with the kids and getting stuff out of the van. Then I think I went to the farm and helped collect eggs.
Saturday night, his cousins had a birthday party at a Pump-it-Up type place. Conlan's favorite! Right before leaving, the kids were outside running around. I went to check on them and saw Conlan jumping on the pool cover. It felt exactly like the time I found our dog in the pool, floating but limp, the last time we spent Christmas at their place five years ago. The images and memories came flooding vividly back of that accident, not at first but within the hour. I am so grateful they finally got a pool cover after that and hold some resentment they didn't have it before. The pool was all fenced in and locked, but Conlan still found a way in. He probably thought it was a big trampoline, evidenced by his jumping up and down on it. If I had found him a few minutes later, I'm afraid the tarp-like cover would have given in. He just doesn't understand danger no matter how much we warn him and explain to him.

Since Hilary and I were both tired, we rode with her parents in their van. When we arrived at Pump-it-Up, Gavin was sleeping, and I was still in shock from the pool incident. So I stayed in the van while Gavin got some much-needed sleep, and so I could gather myself. He started stirring a short while later, so we went in and found the party. Conlan was having a blast, going on the same bouncy house slide over and over again. They had the regular lighting off and black lights on making for a surreal experience. If I had known, I would have worn something cooler for the cosmic lighting. Hilary's outfit looked real good in the uv light.

Christmas this year was much like last year. Gavin had a blast opening presents, sometimes Conlan's presents as well. Conlan just wasn't very interested in opening presents. I tried using hand-over-hand to get him to unwrap a present, but he just had other things to do, other things on his mind. Those "other" things included stripping naked because it was so hot in the house, putting his hand in other people's drinks, finding mountain dew or any can of soda to drink, sitting on dad's shoulders for seemingly indefinite periods of time, eating whatever frosting and candy he could find, or just wandering around on the periphery of the congregation of people. He is so very similar to me - crowds of people and lots of noise bother me. So I like to stay on the outskirts of the action and watch from afar.

The main present we got him was roller skates with protective gear. A couple months ago, I was outside playing with him. Some kids from the neighborhood were playing and had roller blades on. Seeing them, Conlan went berserk. He had so much fun watching and chasing them around. He hasn't shown much interest in skating on his own. When we put the skates on him and "walk" him around he has fun, but nowhere near as much fun as he had that day back in October chasing the neighborhood kids. He would rather watch and chase than participate directly.

Lights and action

Last night we made the trip to go see the Christmas lights at the temple.  The drive was an hour long because of traffic and only one missed turn. Gavin fell asleep not long after we left, but Conlan fought sleep the whole way there. He loves car rides.  We thought that he would fall asleep, especially after eating his cheeseburger.  But he didn’t eat much of the cheeseburger. A few months ago, he finally started eating cheeseburgers; until then it was usually only chicken nuggets that he would eat from the fast food joints. He was definitely hungry – I hope he’s not feeling depressed.  Anyway, back to the drive. Conlan has always loved car rides. Not the car ride itself necessarily, but sitting in his car seat. We noticed this a while ago, and have often put him in his car seat (either still in the car or in the living room) to calm him down.  It has prevented or disrupted many a meltdown.  He’s kind-of like our Pookie that liked enclosed, tight spaces.  Conlan often hides behind us on the couch or under a pillow.  He likes when I lay on him – I’m careful not to put my whole weight on him, though.

Anyway, we made it to the temple grounds. Elders were directing the traffic to available parking spots. We put the kids in the double stroller and were on our way.  We walked around, took some pictures. Most of the time, Conlan was on my shoulders making it difficult to get a picture that wasn’t blurry.  He jabbered quite a bit while we were there. We try to make it a point every Christmas season to let him see a lot of Christmas lights. They seem to mesmerize him, just as lights outside the car when we are driving in the dark. After a while, he decided to take off his hoodie.  We had brought him a coat, but he wouldn’t keep that on and we had to settle for the hoodie. We had seen everything and had been there about a half hour, so we decided it was time to go, since he wouldn’t keep his jacket on.

Back in their seats, we headed home.  This time Conlan fell asleep and it took only about 40 minutes to drive the 25-ish miles home.  Once home, Conlan woke up but climbed in bed and fell asleep. He went to bed without melatonin!  I hope he had a good night’s rest.

 

 

So anyway, that was the ‘lights’ portion of the post.  The action part involves his latest behavior. He doesn’t like wearing clothes. Definitely not at Church.  We’ve tried getting him clothes that don’t bother or irritate him. That has helped, but it’s so difficult to find clothes warm enough that he’ll wear, and with a decent price tag. Every time he does strip, I take a step back and consider whether or not I am reinforcing the behavior. It’s been helpful to get out of myself and my emotions whenever he acts out.

We are very grateful for all the progress he has recently shown.  He has really started helping Hilary in many ways. A while ago, I posted how he was helping me with pancakes. He continues to help with pancakes, whether Hilary is ready for the extra batter on the pan or not. He’s also been real good for us when he needs a diaper change. Sometimes he does take off the diaper himself.  That is sometimes a good thing, except when it’s a messy one and he smears the waste on the wall, blankets, clothes, bed, etc. He has been doing real well and learning a lot. Much of his progress, we contribute to full-day attendance at school.  His teacher and aides are great and very patient.

ABA Workshop

We signed up for an ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) Workshop for parents.  Hilary didn't feel like going, so I gladly went.  The local school district hosted and presented it. The teacher was one of the district's specialists that works with the students in the district. When I got to the address, I went inside the building and followed everyone else and sat down.  The presentation started and I quickly deduced I was in the wrong room - I didn't need to know about superintendents and stuff about the district board!  So I left, and followed another group of people, this group was also in the wrong room looking for the ABA workshop.  Before leaving, though, I was sure to grab some cocoa and cookies!  We went up a couple floors and found the right room. The instructors introduced themselves and started talking about meltdowns and ABA. Wahoo! I was in the right place, and I had my cookies too. :)

facial hair and school

In honor of Movember, I've been growing out my facial hair. Conlan has absolutely loved it. He likes to run his hands, arms, and face along my beard. He just laughs and giggles and squeals. He is definitely very tactile. So if I start to look like a bum, know it's for a couple good causes.

Yesterday, in Conlan's daily report we got a notice that his day was a very tough one. Not only did he bite some of the aides, but he also pulled the fire alarm. I've always wondered what would happen if I pulled the alarm. I can only imagine what must have been going through his mind. Here's for hoping that tomorrow will be better!